ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
