were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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