Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize