I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
