Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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