meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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