...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
