I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
