i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize