I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
