she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't want my vagina anymore.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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