I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
