my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
