It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't want my vagina anymore.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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