video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
