I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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