Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
soo... how was my night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
