remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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