I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
