we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
