Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
