I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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