Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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