I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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