I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
