My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
