I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
