I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
