You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize