hotel room ftw
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
