Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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