i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
