TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
