I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was CRYING into my vagina
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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