I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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