Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
