Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
love makes seman taste better
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
