i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
