I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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