dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
