He uses pillows to masturbate.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
