i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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