i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
