I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
