I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You can't motorboat a personality
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
