I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
