I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
your like the ambassador to my penis.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
