I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
