I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
