i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
