Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
