You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
