I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
