The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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