I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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