; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
