dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
