i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it's like iHOP with fire
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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