The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
