Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
