The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
