You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
