He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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