your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
