Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
People in love make me want to vomit
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
