yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
