Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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