im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
