I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
