But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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